leaving

last night, or this morning rather, I was haunted with nightmares.
for some reason, some CRAZY reason, I have bad dreams about the first day of school, every single summer.

onto other things, I think my feelings can be summarized by copy-pasting from a jason mraz song (bright eyes)
"Bright lights, big city
Was quite extraordinary.
The drive was pretty.
I was in perfect company.
The love of a lifetime,
Since we were elementary friends;
The one with the bright eyes..

Why can't I be optimistic?
I tried to find the logic logically.
I had a dream and I could not shake it.
I was standing up there naked.

There's fear in the truth at hand, frozen I forgot to understand"


well some things do [apply], some don't.

I was supposed to go to some museums today...
I didn't wake up.

Why can't I sleep at night?
AND WHY, why when I do finally sleep, from pure exhaustion, do I get haunted?
There is no safe place for me, even in my dreams.

At least I have music....
music that I mentally manipulate to fit my situation

I don't draw much anymore, I don't think I'm very good at it anymore

this new found lack of talent probably has to do with my gaining weight
it threw off the balance.

man, I miss her, her, and the other her too.