Something to be Proud of (Reprise)

Well, the call never came
but, for good reason
and, it helped me learn more about how I feel
Though, I am still sometimes slightly turned off of the thought
I'll learn to like it, I'm sure.

Ugh, alright, so, tomorrow SHOULD I GO TO SCHOOL?
Reasons why I should?:

1. essay in French
2. need to do my AP French studying
3. need to start finishing my art project(s) ...I wouldn't do them though...
4. turn in all that AP money!!!!!!!!! (If I don't go, I'd turn it in after school)
5. I wasn't in English yesterday, and missing block isn't ideal
6. Viktorria!
7. Young Republican's! I could talk about my Meg Whitman encounter
8. Texts with Keith in class!
9. I'd probably get to see him :3
   

Reasons why I shouldn't?:

1. I feel sick
2. I want to prepare for my garage sale
3. I want to avoid somebody
4. I didn't do my make up work for English
5. or my regular homework
6. essay in french
7. avoid working on my art project
8. gives me time to work on all my homework (HAH)
9. sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep
10. catch up on my TV shows!
11. I've gone so many days with nice attendance, I deserve a reward! ahaha
12. English.
13. I could read :)
14. cleaning and stuff... (HAH!)

alright, I like not going...
BUT I HAVE TO ACTUALLY DO THINGS.

I love the country station, they just know what to play for me :)

SO, he tells me he really likes me, I should be glad, correct?

It just worries me, I think he is more invested, and at this point, that's making me...wary.

But, I mean, I should be quite happy, A BOY WANTS TO TREAT ME RIGHT!

Problem is, I think he may think we are more than we are at this point.

I will see how this works out. I kind of look forward to it

Something to be Proud of

I've been listening to country radio in my room now.
Also, it is request hour, and I kind of want to request Rain is a Good Thing or maybe I Like it, I Love it
but alas, I'm far too scared :p

I'm expecting an interesting phone call tonight, and to be honest, I'm not too sure how I feel about it
Kind of how I feel about the caller.
but, shhh.

Isn't it funny how fast things change?
And how fast the minutes go by

I don't know how I feel, all I know is that I miss something, and I miss Viktorria.

My kitten is very much in heat, and it makes me sad. She howls, and wails, and she wants someone to court her, soon.

Oddly, I haven't been able to write much these days. But I cannot seem to stop talking
About anything, I just talk and talk. I talk at people, I talk at everything.
ha

a bit of a babe, also. this is a bit of a diary rant

You know, I honestly do not understand how people can sit there and not have conversations.
I truly love meeting new people, making people laugh, being made laugh, and then also, getting asked for help/advice. Not that I know the answer, but it's just nice that for some reason people tend to ask me for help a lot. I mean, I think I know everything, but I didn't know that everyone else thought so too ;)
haha, I kid, of course.

I got some interesting compliments, and insults today.

I also got mad, really mad. For no reason.
Just got infuriated, and needed to just start over

I need to start over. I need to get out of here. I need to meet someone new.
I need a refreshing personality
maybe someone who isn't too heavy. Yeah, I hope that's what I get.
Something light and airy. Something fun. I want to smile, it's spring. I want to just laugh, and have a nice day.

I think if you let yourself believe you are happy, the happiness follows shortly after.

I think people rely on their sadness, bitchiness, bitterness, pessimism, and just flat out rudeness. Being sad is what they're good at. They are used to it. They are comfortable with it.

I was sad, for February, and I can't believe I made it out alive. I really honestly cannot do sadness. I mean, if you make me cry, I'll cry. But I hate being stuck in a routine, a tunnel that has no end.
So, I woke up, and let the sunshine get to me.
I smile now, I actually smile!

Being that I spent a lot of my childhood actually depressed, I do understand that sometimes you can't do it. You really are sad, and stuck that way. My therapist really helped me out, man. Because, I never like to be sad anymore. Before I got some sort of sick pleasure in my own sadness.
I even got involved with people who could control my happiness
People I knew had the ability to make me go from happy to sad in a second or less.
But, now, this has to change

I need to stand up for my self, right?

Thanks for listening to me.
ah.
I really should be doing my homework. I have english, stats, and french, ahah :3

American Pie by Don McLean

I happen to really love that song.

My mom would turn up the radio when it came on

I seriously didn't know what it meant at all, but I sang along.

Much like how I had no clue where she would be taking me, but I rode along.

She had a knack for getting me to go along with things.



anyway.
I have to write a poem about a memory being captured in time, and stuff for English class. I'm thinking of doing something involving my mom, and car rides. Maybe sitting in the car waiting for my dad to get off the train?

HMPH.


I miss my Viktorria, and I cannot wait to have our lunch date tomorrow.

I'm glad the mystery is over, and the hurt is gone. I'm glad I looked past him for that short moment on that day, I'm glad I saw him. I'm glad he saw me looking at him.

also. update

I am drug free... That extended metaphor is over.
I'm soberrr!!! :3

GODDAMMIT.

It should just be a crime to be THAT mesmerizing.

Now, don't commit the crime if you can't commit to the time...
....with me ;)


Alright, I'm mystified. Also, slightly worried.
Anxious, rather. Hah.

Dwellers

SCREAMING, I AM SCREAMING AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS!
Yelling at myself in order to stop this earthquake--she calls it an increased heart rate due to the fact she has just received a glance from a "dreamy" man--I call it an earthquake.
I mean, the walls are shaking! Rather, PULSATING. At a speed no person should have to deal with, but then again, I am living in her heart, and well, I guess you could say I more than signed up for this. Last month it was a flood, and a loneliness that couldn't be filled (hard to believe she was that sad) and now this... this happiness. I do appreciate it, but does she really have to disrupt my sleep with her excitement. It is just a text...
Settle down, and also, while we are filing complaints...

Yeah, I have a complaint to bring to your attention.. Not only am I never fed, but now, NOW, there are these winged insects fluttering around in here! This is not alright. I am a stomach, not an insectarium.
I mean, at first, last wednesday, I thought I saw a cocoon, but I didn't think much of it... Boy, do I regret that.

>>I don't know what they're complaining about, I feel fine... It isn't eveeeen a big deal... Just a teeny little crush. hah. :3

*ZZZZZNNNNNNNNNN*

tip tip tip
stand on the tippity tip of your tippie toes
tense up when timeless glances turn to tasteless lips touching
tell it to my face, take the tactful initiative
tough times, terrible thoughts, turning gears, temples throbbing

relentless ranting ranks up there with rambling rough-housers.

simple second, maybe 3 at most, silly secret seduction, one-sided, at that

lick lips, laugh, look up, hold seductive glance, blink, smile, look down, lick lips

isn't funny how simple things make your day.

an outdated update

love.
what a word.

anyway, I guess you could say I'm still happy. I've been smiling a lot more these days.

Although, I am using, still. But, it's an addiction, it's a disease. I'm having a hard time fighting it

and in all honesty, I don't want to overcome it. I like being high, more than I could imagine liking sobriety at this point.

it isn't destroying anything, so, I'm good, right?

sweet. :3