addict

so, day 2 of being 'happy'
interesting...

you are blunt because you want to warn me, keep me from being hurt, I get it.

but I get sick, my stomach turns when you mention his name. Please, let me get over it first.

I really find it difficult, it's truly restraining me.

I am crippled, he is the bane of my being. He is so ..indescribable. That's what I thought I liked about him.

no, I can describe him. He is what holds me back, but makes me feel good. He is the contradiction in my life. He is an ass. An addiction.

His lips, his words, his fingers, they are the alcohol, the gambling, the heroin

he is slowly killing me, and I quit, I walked away, but we all know that if called me, I'd run back.

I trust him, still. I don't mean to, but I lose all the smarts I thought I had when I am near him.

I have been writing, raging, screaming, and talking all too much about this. he is so not worth it, but I still do, I still waste my ink, my anger, my spirit, and my voice on him. He fooled me, he is so much more than that one guy that I went out with, he is that one guy that made me want to die.
He is the one that made me question my own worth, and that is not okay.

I am done, but I miss him none the less.

I long for the heroine, the alcohol, and the gambling.
I want to feel the alcohol on my lips, the gambles whispered in my ear, or flashing upon my phone, and to feel the heroin on my skin, my arms, my hands, my hair