03 October 2009

his rival it seems, has broken his dreams

It is weird how things happen

It is weird how much I long for something so out of my reach that I justify silly things

I am so fucking disappointed, please do not ask why

I am also very sick
102 fever

but that is not even what concerns me.
I wish I could feel better, and go to the store, spend money on something I never want to talk about

I hate myself, and I realize the things I do to make myself feel better, make me feel worse

also, I really want this, this thing
and I need it, but I cannot obtain it

granted, I am not trying too hard

everyone else around me, all have something nice to say, except for.

I feel quite dirty, and lonely

I wish I could be held in her arms again

I wish that somehow, someway I could just reach my goal, I made a goal to live for, but I'm afraid if I do not reach my goal, I will hurt myself, someone, anything.


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