Lost; forever.

This was written not too long ago....

My I-cant-sleep-at-night knight

You're always making me second guess decisions

You're always making me wish I was challenging myself more

You're always making me wish I was less lazy and more productive

But most of all...........
You never cease making me feel better about myself one laugh at a time



and sadly, this is what has come from it......

Break it
Stomp on it
Rip it
Tear it

Obviously you don't care for it

I hope you have a good life

Hopefully drama free
Sadly without me

I miss you already
The pain stays steady

Maybe it will fade away
But my bet is that its here to stay

:O

Life
High anxiety
Frequent headaches

Each step gets harder and harder
Its as if I am walking through three feet of snow

I take the same steps each day
Figurative and literal

Each step makes me hate everything even more

Anger is built up inside

I hate who I have become
I feel as if I am lying constantly

However I never lie

I wish I had something
Someone
That could change my life
My routine

Someone or something
That could shatter all my beliefs

Someone or something
A sign
To show me that there is a god
That there is a purpose to me living

Please?

hackkkage

you look beautiful with your two front teeth protruding from your upper lip
and the slight sight of your tongue peeking from beneath those very same teeth
with your elbow on the couch, holding up your left cheek and a closed fist over your stomache
and chilling, just there
what a wonderful world i say,
no, i actually say that you should start meowing
alas my love, your red couch suits you
and so does this moment in time my dearest friend :]
-Anahi

about your beauty there is nothing to say
since Anahi has beaten me to it, like every day
about your enchantment, there are no words to be found
my eyes can't leave you whilst I sit on the ground
it's really quite lucky that we hacked your blog,
because how else could we show our lucky hedgehog?

here he is, his name is Chester
but in fact, he's no molester
he's really quite a charmer
with his Mother Nature given armor,
be careful where you put him
(or what you put IN him)
he gets angry when mistaken for a push pin
and he likes to make love to tonic and gin
Billy Joel was his best friend
and Chester says: this is the end.
-Viktorria

fuck
fuck


I HATE BOYS


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


about my surgery
_________________________________

The saline drips in the IV
the clock ticks
my heart throbs
only 10 minutes left

They wheel me down the hall
the entrance is near
I am pushed in the white room
the room is all cleaned

the lights are bright
the mask is held over my mouth
my arms are strapped in
I slowly breathe in the anesthesia

I wake up
sudden sharp pains
my hearing is muffled
my eyes are watering

oh god

this sucks (obama)
well anyway

....im hungry
it's cold
my eyes hurt

i wonder if people actually go through trouble, a lot at that, just to hurt you, or sleep with you?
i dont think so
but apparently im the only one who thinks not....

its awfully funny

SO tomorrow is election day, I am afraid....

so, today was bad, and on top of that i was worrying about nothing

i did not do my math hw
I TOTALLY had the intention
imaginary numbers sound fun.........

fuhckkk
gnight:p

sunday evening again

well this sunday is better than last....
~~~
smiles, only lasting awhile
breaths taking forever
breathing seems to be too hard
smiling seems unreal
romance has lost all appeal
~~~

joshing and joking
all the while my heart is choking

~~~



g'night

that boy D:<

I honestly don't think that i have ever hated someone more than i hated cooper last night.
i think i made this verbally apparent
god. how can one boy do so much damage.

trips

she did the right thing, but she is going to have to live with such agonizing pain.
I love you Anahi<3

baby

Halloween can SUCK my DICK

:/
haha
I totally DOMINATED my english essays. :o
so, I guess I have an actual crush on someone.
Not like a HUGE omg crush, but a crush.
:) its the legitish first one since july.
but i dont know if he likes me
i've heard speculation that he does, but you cant be too sure these days.
w/eeee
new seating chart in art.
i FAILED my math test, ofc.

talking about sex

welll, today i decided to swallow all fear of awkwardness and ask my dad about sex.
I asked him if i could get birth control when i become sexually active. He seemed okay with it, a little bit hesitant. he said to talk to him when i do. and to be sure im ready. he understands that i'd rather talk to my mom about it, but she wont be here anytime soon...
i figure i wont have sex til im in love, yadda yadda yadda.... so, idk....
life can be weird...

fools game?

i think almost everyone has made a wish at 11:11
and i think we all want it to come true. although the most common are the most unlikely
overnight love, money, family things..

i tend to wish to pass tests, for boys to notice me, and the most common, to go back east.


i guess this is random, but yeah, it was 11:11 and yeeaahh

lost.......and found 6 years later

so! my old best friend from Massachusetts added me on myspace.
I am still in shock.

I don't ever want to lose touch of Vik or Anahi or ADRI for that long

:/

well, ahh
<3_<3

that one guy looked at me today, for awhile.
i saw him check me out, haha.

OH YEAH!

heh, there is another guy,

4th guy, well he knows i exist but he'd rather check out Viktorria.

MONDAY

ugh, another boring day.
although, I did have a little bit of fun...
i have 4 tests tomorrow

BUT yay, tomorrow is a late day
:p

so, i guess you can say that i wanna add another boy to my admiration list...

1st guy is taken D:
2nd guy doesnt know i exist
3rd guy wants sex.

heh. none will work, but that doesnt mean i cant admire <3_<3

oh. and, i am definitely planning a job in politics

...so tired.

Sunday...

It haunts us all..

fuck, as much fun as i had last night, it still continues to haunt me

i think i fucked up in some choices that id really like to change

my mind is so fucked up.

i don't know what to do

and i cant even talk to like, anyone about it.

it haunts me like a sunday evening....


IRRELEVANTLY
fuck, i dont care about boys anymore haha
i just wanna use them for a good time

...uh idk though

i really want a relationship
and i dont mean like a flowers or anniversary worshiping one either

i want a best friend, that i can trust my soul with, and also parts of my soul i wouldnt trust girls with.
idk, i want a boy that wants me to be his best friend, and thats all that i think a successful relationship takes.

but then again, i've never had one...
..let alone any relationship

this is pissing me off

...what exactly?
LIFE.

boys = none.
girls = drama.
school = slow
dad = work
mom = ohio
billy = too cool for me
home = empty


im just going on an emo rant,
haha ;p

not like anyone is going to read this....


HOMECOMING PICTURE





anyway!
so, i have this theory that pretty girls dont creep, they just admire...

and, im sorta, "admiring" a few boys
one has a girl friend
the other, well he doesnt know i exist
WELL there was this one time that he came over to talk to Billy, and he looked at me
heh <3_<3 but, he isnt billys age i think hes like my age or younger




god, im so pathetic, idk whats wrong with me

September 11^th 2008

Today was...
decent

I just found out that I am suspended from xbox live till the 17th, wtf. what am i gonna do?

well i guess i have a reason to clean my room now
nothing better to do
and damn
i have serious math hw right now.

but today!
Anahi came over and we went to dinner, and then KARAOKE! hehe ;p
in art today, we watched a video on this guy, and i love him
Keith Harring.
<------- SEE! He was an artistic genius idk why, but I'm having confusing thoughts... but, lets see, LIST TIME...

1. need to get a guitar
2. need to go to the dentist
3. need to go to the knee doctor
4. need to clean my room
5. need to sleep more
6. need to do my homework...

kay, well... idk....
i feel like i love someone.
but i don't know anyone that i like....
SO, i drew this picture, poorly of course...

isnt it cute?
♥ goodnight

who the hell knows

Each moment with you seems like hours in the time line of love
Each breath seems like destiny
destiny
destiny
i love you
i love you
i love you
Each sigh shows it.
Each breath seems like destiny
fate
fate
fate
This is silly, irrational, and ridiculous
i love you ridiculously too much


this moment doesnt make sense
and neither does this poem